I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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