Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
