have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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