Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
