What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
