I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
