All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
