Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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