Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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