Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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