I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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