We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
