i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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