Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He passed out mid-signature
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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