My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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