You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
