I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
