therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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