I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
