you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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