i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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