Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
