you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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