I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
