Pants 0. Shit 1.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
