Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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