did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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