I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
