she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
