just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
