rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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