O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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