I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I queefed so loud it echoed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
