She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
