kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
