is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
