drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Four minutes until I can fart!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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