Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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