I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
