So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let's get the cat blown out
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
