And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
