rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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