his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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