I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
