More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
