your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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