I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
