Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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