I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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