then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I AM VODKA MAN
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
