Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
