My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
