I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
