I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
