Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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