i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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