u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
