I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
