TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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