There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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