I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
