Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
