Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
whose parrot is this?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
