My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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