so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
