omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who died my cat blue again?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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