chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
