I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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