Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
