I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
