The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
