I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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