I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
