I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
