Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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