Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
