Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
