I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
