LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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