two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
