Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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