he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best