Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
