Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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