We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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