I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
