your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
