i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
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