1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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