I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
