Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
