I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
